The act of venting by using a physical outlet, such as screaming into a pillow or hitting a punching bag, does not actually reduce our levels of anger. Practice this using the Non-Violent Communication (NVC) framework (review the Assertiveness Worksheets in The Thinking Slow Method). It requires that the person state what occurred as a set of factual claims, instead of judging, shaming, blaming or negatively labelling. Healthy communication involves expressing your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an open, yet honest manner without violating the rights of others. You can do this by reviewing the anger iceberg in your Anger Log, and writing down your feelings. To effectively deal with anger, it’s useful to process the primary emotions which drive it. A man who has internalised this belief may respond to the primary emotion of sadness with anger. An example is the statement, “boys don’t cry”. Secondary emotions can be seen as learned behaviours, usually from family and society. Secondary emotions occur as the result of the reaction to the primary emotion. Primary emotions are already present at birth and are experienced first in any given situation. Noticing these thinking patterns without getting carried away by them can help you manage your anger.
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